Speaker 1: 0:41

Hello, welcome to the Fit Soul Podcast. My name is Amy Ramsey, I am your host, I am a follower of Jesus Christ, I am a certified high performance coach, life coach, and today your girl's coming on to this podcast with a very special guest. She's not a stranger to the Fit Soul Podcast, but today, you guys, you're in for such a treat, I'm in for such a treat and before I announce her, y'all might remember some of her episodes and her life about choosing joy and just really giving us some help around choosing joy. In her name, the sassy cupcake which started everything for me in a relationship Melissa stock welcome to the podcast.

Speaker 2: 1:35

Thank you. I am thrilled to be here in person, in person, for the first time I've heard.

Speaker 1: 1:43

I know we have so much to share with you guys. So, melissa, you've been on the podcast before. We're going to share a little bit about who you are. But we did one podcast when you were in Cambodia. We did a podcast last year when you were on furlough. You were in Denver and we did it via Zoom, and this year is our first opportunity to meet each other. So before we tell a little bit about our history, can you share with our audience who you are, what you and your husband do?

Speaker 2: 2:12

Absolutely. Thank you. I'm so overwhelmed with joy to be here in this moment and the face-to-face smile-to-smile is just. My heart is smiling at about 153% is just. My heart is smiling at about 153 percent. So my husband, matthew, and I have lived in Cambodia for the past 12 years as missionaries. We have been working in the anti-trafficking realm of ministry work, working with survivors, working to prevent trafficking, working with the restoration of those who have been trafficked, working with reintegration, and we've talked about different aspects of this when I've spoken with you before on your podcast, and it's just so dear to our heart. We've seen incredible levels of resilience and just miracles happen overseas and we are thankful to be back in the States for a quick furlough about three and a half months of some rest, some family, some work and speaking about our ministry and sharing, via pop-up boutiques and fun shopping, of items that are made by some of these women that we have the honor of working with. So I'm thrilled to be here today.

Speaker 1: 3:23

This is so special for us, I don't know. I'm hoping, maybe, that the energy translates through the airwaves. So where we are? Literally as we're recording this, we're sitting in the Clio Hotel, which is in Denver, in the Cherry Creek area. We both have a cup of hot tea and we're sitting in my hotel room. I am flying, I'm hopping on an airplane, literally. I'll be leaving out very soon after this. She flew in last night and we coordinated this time. My daughter lives here. I was visiting her. She's here visit. They come to y'all, come to Denver every time.

Speaker 2: 4:05

We have been since. Matthew has been at Colorado Christian University. He's been studying for his master's there online, but once a year we've had to come in town. So he's graduating next week, which is just so exciting, and so we're in town for that. But it's the intentionality, right. I'm going to be here. Can you be here? How do we make this work? Right, we have these hours and they're precious so precious.

Speaker 1: 4:30

So, before we even go into that too much and like why this is so significant, melissa and I met on Instagram. We were having breakfast this morning and it was like when was it she goes? Was it 2018? Was it 2019? I said I thought it was 2020. So here's how we met I. I looked up the date. It was apparently our first conversation in the Instagram DMs was July 27th 2020. Fascinating, apparently. I asked about a avocado toast recipe that she had I don't know if you were just displaying it or whatever and it started a conversation. And I was fascinated with the whole Cambodia the work that you guys do. I don't know when our relationship went off of Instagram DMs and into.

Speaker 2: 5:21

We use WhatsApp to communicate, which is a great platform for international absolutely, we're so thankful for it, for the ability to communicate easier oh yeah, with friends and family. Oh yeah, in the states. Absolutely, it's just changed so much. And being intentional with with connecting with people, connecting with supporters and churches and friends, right, just the day-to-day, like we talk about life together. I'll send you a message when I'm walking to the gym and telling you about all the interesting things I'm seeing or what's happening. Yes, so thankful for WhatsApp.

Speaker 1: 5:55

Yes, yes, I am too. So our friendship started there. I don't know when it got deep and dear friends, I don't know, like I don't know when, we got to the point of, okay, she's a prayer partner with me now. I think it was when.

Speaker 2: 6:11

Matthew had the stroke. Oh wow, it would have been September 2020 when Matthew had the stroke. And if things instantly went to the next level, okay, Okay, wow.

Speaker 1: 6:22

Wow, yeah, it's a pretty fast Okay. Wow, wow, yeah, it's a pretty fast, yeah, deep dive, deep dive, yeah, okay. So okay, all that to say. We met on Instagram. In the DMS it hopped over to WhatsApp. We became dear friends. She prays for me. She knows what's going on in my world. I pray for her. I'm familiar, you know, I know what's going on in her world and relationships can happen. She has such a powerful voice and ministry that I wanted to share her with my audience Now.

Speaker 1: 6:58

A lot of the ladies are going to be familiar with you now because we did some fun things at the worthy woman summit. I partnered with Melissa to do part of our swag. It was so heartwarming, so special for me to be able to have that opportunity to do that with you to support the survivors that you guys work with. Like that was a whole thing and we can come back to that. But think what Melissa and I were we were as we were talking and thinking about how can we share this message? The reality is is that a lot of people are isolated and lonely and they are struggling. They don't have strong relationships in their life. They feel, um, they feel left out. Maybe there's been a transition in life, seasons of life change, and what used to be is no longer and there's just there's an epidemic of loneliness. Melissa, absolutely, and I just want to ask you a question, just from somebody that lives in another country Do you feel, do you guys feel, lonely in Cambodia?

Speaker 2: 8:02

Oh, there are times where I think we feel far away from what's going on in America with family and friends, and so we can see what we're missing out on, and so we have to choose in those moments. Okay, we know we can't be there, we know we gave up some of this to move abroad, and so what are we going to do with this here and not sit in that loneliness? I think it's healthy to acknowledge it, like I miss this and I want these people to know I miss being there with you. I'm sorry I can't be at your graduation or your wedding or the funeral. There's so many things. We've missed hundreds of things in the past 12, almost 12 and a half years. So, yes, we have experienced loneliness, but we have not stayed in it, we have not sat there and let that spiral down. And so we we have to be intentional with how we don't spiral down Once we realize I now have the joy of missing out. I don't have fear of missing out.

Speaker 1: 9:04

I have the joy.

Speaker 2: 9:05

You've got Jovo. I absolutely do, and I get excited to introduce people or connect people, connect ministries, connect passions and needs, and then step away. I don't have time for it all, I don't have the energy for it all, but I love connecting good people with good people or projects, and so I had to learn how to do that and realize I didn't have to be there and micromanage a relationship or micromanage what was going on. But no, you guys have got this and I want to be sitting here in the evening with my husband. I want to be here at home. I'm not missing out by not being at an event. So I had to. I had to get there.

Speaker 1: 13:33

Well, I love how you have um a really positive mindset and intent, that we keep coming back to the word intentional here and and and. It's perfect, but that you could, if you I love number one. Okay, a couple of things that you acknowledge. You acknowledge your feelings. You acknowledge that you're missing out on like there's so many things that you acknowledge. You acknowledge your feelings. You acknowledge that you're missing out on them.

Speaker 1: 13:46

There's so many sacrifices that you guys have because you are giving your life to that work over there and it's powerful what you're doing, but it comes at a great cost, but you're choosing not to allow it to make you lonely.

Speaker 2: 14:02

Oh, absolutely not. And now we have a community that is one I never could have created, and where we are it's come from the different ministries we're working with through the churches, through the volunteers, through our networks overseas, and us saying, well, I guess it is very intentional and I say come on over to the house, let's have time with a group of women together and let's just have an afternoon tea on a Saturday, and I know that you're all working long and hard and most of them don't know each other, but I want to just gather people together and let people connect and let things happen organically and then people take it from there. Like that, to me, then, has created some really deep friendships and relationships for us, and there have been times because it is a very transient community overseas there have been times where we have had fewer friends. There have been times where we have had more. We've we've we've watched them come and go.

Speaker 2: 14:57

I'm now very used to saying goodbye to people and and yet I know that my life is so much richer because of the time I had with them, and so I feel like God has just taught me how to embrace whatever amount of time I have with people, not regret that, not say well, you're only here six months, so I'm not going to invest in that, but oh, you're here for six months. That's amazing. Tell me about your time when you lived here. Tell me about this. So now I have this international community. As a result, I love.

Speaker 1: 15:29

That I'm so thankful. That's really powerful and I just think it's really interesting too. We started the podcast with how we met in the DMs on Instagram. Now you're talking about an international community that you never planned, but how it works out because you're open to it. You and I were open to pursuing a deeper relationship than a DM relationship on.

Speaker 1: 15:56

Instagram and how friendships can happen in creative ways when you're open, when you're looking for it, and we we want to talk about a few parameters that we feel like are healthy, that are things to look for in your relationships so you can have a healthy, thriving community. There are some things. I mean it's not just about having a bunch of friends it's really not but it's about having a group around you that cheers you on that. Also, when you're with other believers, like-minded women that have the same goal in mind, it's there is no competition, it is championing others on, and there's this natural challenging that happens within yourself, that you feel called higher because of watching someone that is pursuing the call of God on their life. It's inspirational and aspirational and it calls me higher.

Speaker 1: 17:04

So when I watch you and I see all of the work that you're doing, I'm like wow, I am so blown away by what you and Matthew do. I love to just. I'm sharpened by just sitting in your presence or listening on a whatsapp back and forth. However, it is like I'll take whatever I can get right. This is unique that we're drinking tea together. Cheers Ching-Dol-Yi.

Speaker 2: 17:26

I love that. Oh, my gosh this is crazy. We're still together, we're still like that, but there's no spirit of comparison, that's getting in the way, there's no spirit of jealousy or any of that, because that's what really tears down the trust in the foundation of the friendship. Like if what I say to you, then I know is going to go to five other people, six other people, like that's not, that's not getting in the way, because there's so much trust in and depth in this friendship.

Speaker 1: 17:52

Yeah, absolutely Absolutely so. I think that would, if you were, if we can start putting some parameters around this for you to build your community. Oh my gosh, let me tell you a quick little story. I can't remember who said this. It may have been Lisa Arendelle, one of she's my best friend and a speaker at the Worthy Woman Summit. But this is so cool.

Speaker 1: 18:13

She had just graduated with her uh, john Maxwell certification leadership certification and she was at the graduation um ceremony in, I think, orlando thousands of people there and there was a woman 91 years old that graduated in your class. Isn't that awesome? I love that. Lisa said she made a beeline. Now, I might be getting some of this story wrong, but this is the essence of it. If you will Made a beeline to this lady to say what is your secret Like this is awesome, yeah. Say what is your secret like this is awesome, yeah. And she said the secret to her success is to have friends in every generation. Friends in every generation. I believe that I started thinking I'm like I need to beef up my 30 year olds.

Speaker 1: 19:04

I need to how can I beef up more of this? Because I love that. That's incredible, yeah, isn't that incredible? So, when you're looking at parameters with a thriving relationship, because when you have a sense of community, when you have a sense of belonging, when you have a sense of being seen and known and loved within your not just by God but within your community, you, it, it helps you to thrive in life Absolutely, and I love when you're saying that friends in all the generations.

Speaker 2: 19:33

That's one thing I've loved about our international community is that we get who's over there. Right, we get who's over there. Take me to picking, it's so funny, but I think about that. And we have incredible friends there that are in their 70s, that have just championed us through some different things and they've been able to say, oh yeah, this is what it was like for us when we were here 25 years ago and 30 years ago. They've been in Cambodia for 35 years now as missionaries and we have just learned so much from them. And we've got really dear friends in their 60s and they're here with us in the 50s. And we've got really dear friends in their 60s and they're here with us in the 50s.

Speaker 2: 20:17

But I have been blessed by relationships with kids, can I say, in their 30s, the babies, the 30s and 40s who used to be my university students, oh wow.

Speaker 2: 20:24

And now, like we're friends I mean, we're godparents of some of the children, one of them is our accountant Like we have incredible friends in that generation and then even down to in the teens, like there are some, just some beautiful kids that we have met on the mission field, who are children of missionaries that are dear friends of ours, and they become like family to us, and so we're saying bye as they go off to college. We're showing up at the graduations. They become our family per se over there because we're so far away from ours that it's like this surrogate. You become each other's family and people are showing up at the hospital there because you don't have blood family, blood, relatives to do that, and so you walk through these highs and lows together and I think that's just one of the things who's? Who's walking through the highs and the lows? Who can walk through that with grace, with humility, without expectation, with joy, with, with promoting thanks, despite the circumstances, who's? Who's going to be building you up? That?

Speaker 1: 21:35

there's. I feel like there's so much to unpack on what you just said. So much good stuff. Who's walking through the highs and the lows? Here's a question I have Do people know you're going through some lows? Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 21:48

I have my low friends.

Speaker 1: 21:51

Does Garth Brooks say?

Speaker 2: 21:54

I absolutely do. I don't think it's healthy to hide the lows.

Speaker 1: 21:58

Okay, so I did for a long time, and so to have healthy relationships, there's got to be a level of trust-proven vulnerability.

Speaker 2: 22:21

Yes, and I would say, and in general, transparency absolutely and not with everyone, like I don't lows of the week. I have people I process that with and I'm happy to talk about it. I think it's easier to do that in person, yeah, or on a, on a, on a video call or on Marco Polo right one of my favorite ways just to be able to see people and actually communicate back and forth from across the world.

Speaker 2: 22:44

I think it's right right, our times are so opposite, but I, I absolutely have people to process the lows through and I'm so thankful for them. I'm so thankful because they do that in a way that I feel built up, I see, I feel seen and heard and encouraged and at times, like called out, like hey, this is what I'm hearing, is this, is this, what she meant? Oh, no, no, actually, thank you and go from there. People are going to pray for me through those lows.

Speaker 1: 23:12

Yeah, well, I mean to your point of what you're saying. That's healthy. Yeah, this is healthy. For a while in my life I didn't have that. No, I shouldn't say that.

Speaker 1: 23:24

I've always had a few friends, and I think that's important, but I had a mentor that talked about you should have five people on your speed dial at all times that you can and they're they're on yours as well. That are your prayer partners. They've got your back and when, when the ish hits the fan, you've got somebody to talk to you. Right, that you've got somebody that's there. And I realized, okay, I think I have two my mom and my and my best friend. This is my work. I need to go build this community for myself. I you're one of them now, and so I just started working on who are the five on my speed dial, who are the five that can have my back when I need it, and I've got theirs too.

Speaker 1: 24:03

I'm not just. It is a absolute give-and-take. I'm not looking for someone. It's very, that's a very one-sided thing and that's unhealthy. I want to be there for people and I want people to be there for me. That's a healthy relationship when it is two way. You probably have a lot of this. I have a lot of this. I have a lot of one way relationships in my life and that's okay. I think in leadership you have to expect that and that is okay. So the the the twoway relationships that I have in my life where people also ask me how I'm doing, how are you doing, and they really do want to know, like if you're not doing good, let me know, type of thing is so beautiful. So a couple of parameters that we've discussed so far as you're looking intentionally for strong, healthy relationships in your life, healthy relationships in your life, you're looking for, you're looking for people if they have a spirit of you called it.

Speaker 2: 25:02

A spirit of what I was just thinking honestly in the moment was I'm so thankful that I've gone from guacamole to the five and the phone.

Speaker 1: 25:15

It's the little things. The sassy cupcake, I like it. I want a cupcake right now. Okay, so you said, like the spirit of jealousy.

Speaker 2: 25:26

Oh yeah, Not allowing jealousy and comparison to get in the way that's so easy to do.

Speaker 1: 25:33

It really is, and we can do it in subtle ways, like it could even be their kids are doing better than my kids, or I mean it's not just Sometimes I think we think materialistically and second-guessing.

Speaker 2: 25:49

What are they thinking about me? Yeah, and just putting something on a person, Assume right assumptions and that can be really so dangerous and so harming and they haven't even done it. No, we're just putting it on them.

Speaker 1: 26:02

That's right. That's right. What is that called? What's that cognitive distortion called? It's not overgeneralization? I can't remember, but I know I'm guilty of that. Sometimes I have to stop and go. Do I know that? Is it a fact? Is that true? Like what is that scripture? Whatever things are true, whatever things are lovely, think on these things. I can't make assumptions. I think that's a good point, though, is where might you be making assumptions about what others think about you and you?

Speaker 2: 26:32

don't know it to be true. And is the? How? Is that getting in your way? Is that a social media thing, right? Are you letting this picture of this person and that person get in your way and you're making an assumption? All of a sudden, you've lost the friendship and you're in this place. That isn't fair to them. That's absolutely not fair to them.

Speaker 1: 26:50

Yes, and so back to that spirit of competition and jealousy.

Speaker 2: 26:56

I feel like we've.

Speaker 1: 26:56

it was something else before. Whatever, whatever we want to call it here, it's not from God. It is not from God. It's not what we are. That's what we're looking for are women that truly have the spirit of love. Yeah, and they're peaceful within themselves, I mean. One barometer I have is when I hear people talking negatively about their spouse, about someone else about a friend, even in a slight way, that doesn't sound negative.

Speaker 1: 27:34

It's putting them down, or maybe they're self-promoting by just a slight little context and it's that's not okay for me. And immediately in my mind, immediately in my mind, I'm like that's not my top five, that's not my speed dial person.

Speaker 2: 27:44

Right right, I can't trust that. What are you saying about me when I'm not in the room? That's exactly what I'm thinking, right?

Speaker 1: 27:49

Yeah, yeah. So so, truly looking for the person that doesn't gossip, that doesn't slander, that doesn't put anyone down, and if that is, I mean we've all done those things, like I don't want to send it, like we're some sort of pattern?

Speaker 2: 28:03

Yeah, is.

Speaker 1: 28:15

I think it's almost more helpful to instead of just let me not do it like get to the root of that. What is what is in there? Are you? Do you feel better about yourself because you're speaking this way about someone else? I tell you, it happened to me one time. The Lord really revealed some root of jealousy I had in my heart about a particular person, and when I finally realized it, I was able to repent and it was like, oh my gosh, that is not what I want. That is not. But I see it, I was wrong. You know what I'm saying and it colored the way I think. So seek to get to the root of whatever it is. That is is there because it's not okay and it's going to hold. It's going to hold. It's going to make you feel a crap about yourself.

Speaker 2: 28:57

I mean, that's just the reality of it.

Speaker 1: 28:59

And if all of your friends are doing that, girlfriend, you need a new circle of friends, like you need to level up your friendship group. My mentor talks about that all the time. Level up your peer group if you want to go to the next level, and I absolutely agree with that.

Speaker 2: 29:12

I have had moments. I remember one specific moment. I saw this woman walk into a room and we were going to be spending the next three weeks around her and I watched the way she carried herself and I just made an assumption and realized later on that day like I shouldn't have done that. And I heard her speaking and the next morning I saw her walk into the room and I walked right up to her and I said we need to have coffee. I want to get to know you, because you said this yesterday and I just felt like there's something that we can connect on. And so we ended up spending, I want to say, three or four more times in the next three weeks together, and now she is a dear friend. Love it. But it took me getting over myself, my assumptions and my I don't know if it was comparison at the moment or just being judgy, that's what it was. I was just wearing judgy pants. Well, I think we're. I own them in multiple sizes and colors.

Speaker 1: 30:10

I know, right, right, but that is our natural default.

Speaker 2: 30:14

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 30:14

If we could just recognize that the self is always going to fight the spirit of love, right, and we default to what I think we all have different patterns maybe that we fall into, and whether it's judging, whether it is comparing, and there's that something in our soul that is just going to keep us from truly the best of ourselves coming forward. God has more for us and we can be light, more light, when we let those things go, but I love that. Okay, so healthy parameters and what you're looking for is positive, joyful, absolutely People that are humility. I think that's another important one and grace.

Speaker 2: 31:02

I think in this world of misunderstandings, like you, have to be able to have grace right that, yes, you have to have grace, you have to approach it with I didn't understand this. Can you tell me what, when you shared this, when you made this face, when I brought you this present, I don't know. You have to be able to approach that situation with grace and say I don't understand this. Can you tell me, like, how was your day? Like what's going on Because it might not be me, it might be me so good it's figuring out how to have grace when you don't feel like it.

Speaker 1: 31:37

That is so good.

Speaker 2: 31:39

But in those moments where you are annoyed, how do I have grace? When you don't feel like it, that's just when you feel like it, so good. But in those moments where you are annoyed, how do I have grace? When you are feeling judged? How do I have grace when I'm impatient, right, okay.

Speaker 1: 31:49

So as we're starting to wrap this up, I want to share another quick little story. Back to Lisa and I. You know longstanding friendship. We did an interview of our 30-year friendship, 30-plus year friendship of being best friends and there was Q&As.

Speaker 1: 32:06

So one of the questions, but one of the conversations that came out of one of the questions we've been to therapy together and I do believe that for you to have deep relationships with people, you've got to walk through. If you haven't had conflict, somebody's not being honest and being able to have longstanding relationships, there's got to be a level of humility and grace and forgiveness. Somebody's going to screw it up. Healthy conflict being able to have that that's right and it's going to require grace and forgiveness. And there's this one framework that I've been working through. And the last question is is forgive as you've been forgiven? Just that assumption of the best, like assume the best of them? I don't know what's going on. I can ask have I done something? You know? I'm not going to partner with a fence here have I done something you know and ask for forgiveness? Allow them to say it and maybe it's nothing like you're saying to your point. It has nothing to do with you.

Speaker 2: 33:04

They're walking through trauma on another end and we don't know.

Speaker 1: 33:07

Yeah, how can I be light in that situation? Rich relationships change your life. They really do. They're so good and build it. You've got to build, you've got to be intentional. Look for the right things. Build beautiful relationships in your life. The last thing we'll say as we're wrapping up is nobody is coming for you.

Speaker 1: 33:34

If you're lonely, if you're feeling stuck, if you're feeling like you don't have relationships and you want them, maybe you've been through a transition in your life, maybe you've moved, maybe there's a lot of reasons why. Here's what I want to share with you Loneliness is an epidemic right now. I think social media has taken away true relationships, the world falling apart in 2020. There's a lot of science behind why people are so lonely and isolated, but the reality is, at the end of the day, it's a choice and no one's coming to rescue you. I have felt stuck and isolated before. I felt so lonely and I finally, when I got out of my own way and stopped playing around and being a victim about it, I was like, oh well, what do I want in life? I need to give that instead of this. What are people going to do for me? What can I do to serve others and bless others and to make a difference and truly what you're looking for in life is going to find you. Well, you can call it whatever you want Holy Spirit manifestation, I don't care what you're looking for, you're going to attract that. And so if you're thinking to yourself, nobody wants to be my friend, you're right. And if you're thinking, oh my gosh, I can't wait to meet new friends, you're right. So be careful about those thoughts.

Speaker 1: 35:00

Good word, yeah, yeah, okay, melissa. Um, I love connecting people to your ministry. I love connecting people to the work that you guys do in Cambodia. Um, you guys have got to go follow her sassy cupcake. She doesn't do a whole lot of social media. I mean, you can go follow her, but she doesn't do a whole lot of social media. But you can join, can go follow her, but she doesn't do a whole lot of social media, but you can join their newsletter list. I'm a supporter she's not asking for this but I am definitely a supporter of the work that they do. They're changing lives.

Speaker 2: 35:34

Tell a little bit about the mission work and how people can connect with you. So our website is wwwstockrepluggedorg. We see how God has taken our work and what we did in America and just replugged us over in Cambodia. So we are working with survivors of trafficking through prevention, through the restoration work and through reintegration. It's a long game and working on connecting a lot of good resources with the issues and the needs that we see over there. Connecting needs and resources is just a passion of mine and so we're able to do that. You can sign up for our newsletter on the website and we send those out monthly. There's more pictures than there are words and opportunities to connect there and come see our times of sharing in person when we're in America.

Speaker 1: 36:27

You are amazing, thank you, you are amazing, thank you. Okay, all right, guys. So you guys go, take a follow. Go and sign up for her newsletter if you want to learn more about the ministry. Melissa and I partnered together for some swag for the Worthy Woman Summit. It was so special to be able to support some of the people that she works with over there, and that might be an opportunity for others as well.

Speaker 1: 36:53

There's multiple ways that you can partner with the work that she's doing there. They're amazing and such a fun conversation. Thank you, thank you. Love you, sister. Love you too. Sassy cupcake, that's right, that's right, all right. You guys, if you enjoyed this or if you found value in this podcast, please would you hold it down, like there's a button you can hold on it and you can send it to three people. Share it, share it to your stories, all the things it helps to get the word out, actually. So, thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you so much. Until next time, walk worthy, my friend.