Speaker 1: 0:41

Hello and welcome back to the Fit Soul Podcast. My name is Amy Ramsey. I'm so excited that you are here and if this is your first time, oh my goodness, what a treat. And I just want to say thank you so much for being here and today. I'm so excited about this topic and I'm so excited about my guest today. But let me ask you one question Did you know that there is one simple thing that has been scientifically proven to lower stress, to boost your self-esteem, to improve your immune function, increase longevity and even help with chronic diseases?

Speaker 1: 1:17

And I am not even going to be talking about diet and exercise today. No, today I want to share with you about friendship and the friendship factor and the power of community and connection. Women need strong bonds with other women to thrive emotionally, to thrive mentally and to thrive physically, and the power of community and friendships has transformative effects. Today, my guest is my very best friend for over 30 years, lisa arendell, and lisa and I share some, um, hilarious stories from our 30 years of friendship, some highs and lows, but we really we break down five tips that we feel like are very important for women to to thrive in this midlife phase and stage of life. It can be lonely, it can feel isolating, and it doesn't have to. So stay tuned for a wonderful episode with my bestie, lisa Arendelle. Welcome to the Lisa and Amy show. Okay, you guys, we're so excited. Today I have my very best friend in the whole wide world and we're live on Facebook and we're recording a podcast all at the same time, because that's how content creators do things. These days.

Speaker 1: 2:37

We repurpose however we can. So if you're looking at this, thinking, wait, are they the same as what's going on here? No, we're not sisters. We're very best friends for over 30 years.

Speaker 2: 2:49

Hey Lisa, hey Amy, Thank you so excited to be here.

Speaker 1: 2:53

I know I'm so excited too. So what we're talking about, what we're talking about today, is friendship and the importance of friendship, and so this is called the friendship factor, the power of community and connection, and Lisa and I are very blessed to have such a beautiful relationship. For over 30 years We've been best friends, we have so many stories, we've done so much life together, and we both recognize the jewel that this is for our lives.

Speaker 1: 3:22

And I don't think we could have ever understood, when we were just kids and starting out life together, how much this relationship oh, we might cry, I just, I'm just feeling the tears well up how much this relationship was going to mean and all of the difficulties that we've both faced in life. How, oh gosh, how this relationship has given both of us so much life, so welcome.

Speaker 2: 3:50

Thank you. Thank you. I'm so excited to do this with you. I mean, it's about time we both had our podcast for like over two years. Oh, he's throwing us tissue. Thank you, daniel. So this may be a mess. Okay, we just have to bring it in. What did Daniel say before we got started? What did he say?

Speaker 1: 4:05

Oh that, we look just alike.

Speaker 2: 4:07

Yeah, look identical right.

Speaker 1: 4:11

So we are at Daniel Anderson. This is the Alchemy Audio.

Speaker 2: 4:18

Close Audio Alchemy Productions.

Speaker 1: 4:20

Audio Alchemy Productions, and he has an amazing studio here. So I wanted to bring Lisa here so we could record this, and we want to share not just our story, but our hope today is that we encourage you and that we motivate you and even give you some action steps so you can build friendships in your life. So I want to introduce Lisa formally, and I don't even know why I need these notes. Okay, her name is Lisa Arendell. She's married to her college sweetheart, living in Louisiana, shreveport, louisiana. She's the mother of three. She's a high performance health and fitness coach. She is a Maxwell speaker and coach, and she's been over 33 years in the integrative health and fitness space.

Speaker 1: 5:09

Yes, very, very much. She knows her stuff, she knows her game, she walks the walk, she talks the talk, she lives it, she breathes it, and so we're not even going to talk about health and wellness today, though, but you know what I find interesting? So, just to kick us off, lisa, I was just grabbing some science for us, and this is really interesting. So we're going to talk about friendships, we're going to talk about connections. Right, here's just a few things. That to reduce stress and anxiety. Social support can lower depressive symptoms. Listen to this by 50%, improving emotional resilience. Also, strong social ties are linked to lower inflammation and reduced risk of chronic diseases. You'll have a better immune function. There is a lower mortality risk with women with strong community connections. Listen, having 50% lower risk of early mortality Isn't that crazy.

Speaker 1: 6:12

Chronic disease management. Social group participation is associated with 30% improvement in managing chronic diseases like heart disease and diabetes. And the thing with diabetes, it's the social connections that keep you coming back for better health, for healthier behaviors. Women in support groups are 40% more likely to exercise regularly and stick with healthier diets. Your community matters, you guys, and listen to this. Better hormonal regulation, supportive communities buffer stress, leading to better cortisol and estrogen levels, crucial for weight management and energy population and women in faith-based communities, which she and I are absolute Jesus loving women, report 40% higher sense of purpose, emotional resilience and well-being. I mean, the science talks about how important relationships are. So like if you want to lower your stress, you want a healthier life, if you want more joy, building healthy friendships and relationships and community in your life is really crucial. Hey, we're not even talking about diet and exercise.

Speaker 2: 7:32

Well, and it's what a great lead in to say, wow, it's almost like God actually created us for community.

Speaker 1: 7:37

Imagine that.

Speaker 2: 7:37

Like. He designed us, he created us, he formed us so intricately, but he didn't form us to be isolated. He didn't form us to be isolated. He didn't form us to be to do this life alone. And you know, I don't know if you want to go there right now, but we talked about how isolating this phase of life can be.

Speaker 1: 7:55

Oh my goodness, it's so true. So Lisa and I both help. We work in the coaching space. We're so similar, our personalities are so similar, our passions and drives are so similar, and one of the things that we were talking about earlier is how, in this phase of life, this midlife phase, we have new roles and responsibilities, and the things that have defined us, our entire lives, are now no longer defining us, and it is an epidemic that you know, with aging parents, even death of parents, with children leaving the nest, with our roles absolutely changing, there's this feeling of okay, what's next? And oftentimes our relationships change.

Speaker 2: 8:43

Yeah, I like to say it's almost like it's the new tweenage stage, right, we're no longer rearing small children, our parents are getting older, so our kids don't need us the same. And it's like oftentimes we can feel very pulled, very much in limbo, like where am I? What's my purpose now? Because my kids don't need me as much my parents do need me. So where is me? Like, when is their time for for what I was put here for? Or is that all I was put here for? Right?

Speaker 2: 9:12

So there's just this, this crazy tug of war that I see women deal with, and I know you do too, and you and I have had some of this tug of war ourselves over the years that we've had to battle through together, but bringing it back to community and friendship, having people to talk to about this and having this be um, having this be something that we talk about as a community.

Speaker 2: 9:33

I was not prepared for where we are right now. I wasn't prepared. I wasn't prepared and I'm not completely empty nest we still have our 18 year old at home, but my other two are gone and I wasn't prepared for the depth of emotion that was linked to that, and I've heard women talk about it, but I don't think the support was there for what. What's next now what? And so I know that you and I you know our hearts are both to help women understand their purpose, understand their identity and understand that their impact truly can be every bit as much as it was when we were rearing our kids. It can be just as impactful, and God has a new plan for us, and it's just a matter of finding what that is.

Speaker 1: 11:33

Well, and just going through life and understanding that I needed an unnecessary, there is a purpose and a plan. I think what to your point is that we're not prepared for it's not talked about. You're prepared to have a baby. You're you're doctors talk about and our mentors talk about what that's life, what that's going to happen to your body and to every part of your life, but no one, I think, prepares women for this phase and stage. So if you're feeling isolated, if you're feeling alone or if this is really resonating with you, I want you to know that you're absolutely not alone. And Lisa and I were just talking about our relationship over 30 years. We've got some hilarious stories. We were talking last night actually. This is so funny because so, 30 years in, I'm 51.

Speaker 2: 12:26

How old am I?

Speaker 1: 12:27

I know, and you're 52.

Speaker 2: 12:29

52. Okay, yeah.

Speaker 1: 12:29

How old are we now? I don't feel that. I don't feel like we're that old, right, but when we were younger we were. Is this the Carol? We're that old? But when we were younger we would get together. It's been very rare that we've lived in the same city. It was for a very short amount of time, in fact. I was homeless at one time and lived with Lisa and her family, so that's a whole nother story. We can get to that here in a moment. But we were talking last night. We love to drink. We couldn't afford Bailey's Irish cream, so we would buy Carol Ann's knockoff the knockoff.

Speaker 2: 13:08

Bailey's knockoff.

Speaker 1: 13:09

Yes, and we would pour it into a glass and we would mix it with heavy whipping cream.

Speaker 2: 13:16

Dems was the days when we could afford it.

Speaker 1: 13:18

That's right. That's right. The metabolism has changed. We can no longer do that anymore. But one night in particular, I was in. We were all together. Her mother was with us, who is Mimi Chris, if you're watching this shout out is like my mother. I absolutely love and adore her, but we were having a night I don't know it was the most. It was really a special night. A lot of breakthroughs I was in the middle of. Was I homeless at that time or was I?

Speaker 2: 13:48

just in the middle, I don't think so.

Speaker 1: 13:49

I don't think I was homeless yet, but I think I was in the middle of some ridiculous firestorms in life and you and your mom were having some breakthroughs. That night it was really late. We used to stay up till two, three Didn't matter. Oh my gosh, it didn't matter. We had gone through a whole thing of Carol Ann's and her mother. Do you remember this? Your mother, at one o'clock in the morning, said hey, girls, I'm gonna make a liquor run. I mean, what do you think? We're like wait, where are you going? Oh my gosh. It's like okay, those days are gone just yeah just everybody knows those days are gone but, anyway.

Speaker 1: 14:30

Um, we've gone from carol ann's to yeah, no, I don't think. And now we go to bed at 8, 30 or 9 o'clock. It's like last night she was over and I was like oh, we made it till 9.30 last night.

Speaker 2: 14:42

Oh my gosh, I mean.

Speaker 1: 14:43

Crazy, it's a big deal. Crazy, crazy.

Speaker 2: 14:46

Yeah, so this may be a great time just to talk about. You know, amy and I favor, and we've been told for many years that we favor, but the similarities go further than that. Let me just say as many similarities as there are, there's a lot of differences. Amy has some incredible, incredible gifts that I do not possess. Administration is one of them. But anyway, let me just go through some of the— and your dance.

Speaker 1: 15:14

And shuffling feet, I don't have those, but we do both dance, we do both dance, we do both dance, but we were both zumba instructors.

Speaker 2: 15:22

Oh yeah, that's right, both zoom instructors. We both have a child on this spectrum. Yep, um, we, I'm trying to get to some other ones before we get to the husbands. Okay, um, some other ones.

Speaker 1: 15:32

Let's see, we, we're both in, like the health and fitness space and have been for a long personal trainer, personal trainer in that realm. Um, we've got online businesses. We have uh, I feel like there was some oh okay, health and nutrition coaches yes, okay, and here's the kicker.

Speaker 2: 15:51

You ready? Yeah, my husband's name is randy. Her husband's name is Randy. My husband's name is James Randall. Her husband's name is James Randall. What Crazy. I know Daniel's like what. It's weird, it's really weird.

Speaker 2: 16:08

So lots of similarities lots of similarities, but there's a sisterhood and there's a kinship here, and one of the things that I think you know, we both would love for everybody to understand, is that relationship takes work. That's right. We've been friends for over 30-something years and, as Amy said, we have been through some highs and some lows. We've had some deep, deep waters we've walked through, most of them separated, like in different states across the country at times. Right. But to have a friendship that lasts over 30 years, I mean, what would you say, amy, to somebody listening right now and they say I don't have somebody that I'm still in contact with for 30 something years ago? What should I do? How do I find that community? How do I find that person and how do I begin to form a deep and lasting friendship here in my over 40 stage, when it's not as easy as it used to be? When the kids had sports together and you know they're on the playground and you made friends just like this, what would you say to that woman?

Speaker 1: 17:14

I would say a couple of things, because even though you and I have been best friends and I have that it's not enough to have one best friend in your life, and so I think this is a really important point for all of us is that we are created for community. We are created for interconnectivity. And what does that look like in our communities? Interconnectivity, and what does that look like in our communities? I think the social media space has put this facade on that. We have all of these friends and I get my fulfillment from that, but nothing takes the place of being with someone and spending that time together?

Speaker 1: 17:55

Yes, and so Lisa and I, one of the things that we do is that we're intentional. We both have very full I hate the word busy we have very full lives and we still carve out time to either somehow or another to get together. And that's looked like a lot of different things. We've gone to events and retreats together. She and her family comes to our house, our family travels to her house. We travel together, we'll schedule things, but we are intentional and without that intentionality, too much time will go by and there's nothing like just the catching up and the listening and the hearing and we stay pretty connected. Um, anyway, so what I would say is is that you have to be intentional and it takes time, and even with having so, let's say, because I've talked to a lot of women who feel lonely and they're, they almost feel shame around that, and so let's just talk about that, because if you feel lonely and you feel shame around that, I want to encourage you on a couple of things is that go create the life that you want. If you are lonely and you don't have the relationships you, girl, they're not going to come to.

Speaker 1: 19:17

I sat in isolation for a while in my where I live now, because I I guess I thought that people were going to come to me and want to, you know, build friendships with me like they were going to magically happen, and what I learned is that that is not the way that life works.

Speaker 1: 19:38

It is a little bit different when you're in this midlife stage and you don't have kids going to sport, sporting events and all of the things that moms you know do together, and so for. For me, I realized I had to be. I had to go, build the friendships and connections by investing time, by putting myself in situations, by finding networking groups, by uping my relationships that I had at church, even just up-leveling the relationships that I currently had. Like, I really like this person. Well, let me be more intentional with that person and get to know them at a deeper level than just more of this surface level. I started very intentionally finding networking groups, career women shout out, career reservoir women, and the Madison Chamber and all of the Chamber of Commerce is like there's places and pockets in every single town. You may have to be resourceful, but get yourself in opportunities and rooms to be around other women and then find your tribe.

Speaker 2: 20:48

Yes, and I'd love to add to that as well that you know when you're looking for those people to be around. Who you're around is really important. It's not just anybody. I think as we've gotten older, we've gotten a little more particular. I mean our time, the time that I spend. I want it to be with someone who's going to hold me accountable. I want it to be with someone who is going to sharpen me, because iron sharpens iron. I want it to be with people who have things that I don't have.

Speaker 2: 21:19

You know, you've heard, if you're always the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room. If you are the one that is the most connected in the room, you're in the wrong room. You need to pull yourself up. You need to get around people that think bigger than you do in some way, and so that is where my world really began to expand. You know, like we said, we've had this connection for a long time, but we don't live in the same state, and so I've got some local girlfriends where I do live and we're all in this really similar, weird either empty nest or close to it, and holidays are different, and we're just navigating, and I just want to.

Speaker 2: 22:01

I want to encourage creativity too. So what we decided to do, I think we're doing it this a week from this coming Thursday, we're going to one of our houses. We're doing we all eat really healthy, so we're doing a healthy cookie exchange and and we're just hanging out together and that sounds so simple, but it's like we were all in a text thread and we were thinking, we were talking through how it's just. This is a hard season right now. Holidays are hard for some of us right now, with so many changes that are going on, and we're like you know what, why don't we just get together and start a new tradition, and that's going to be a new tradition of ours? And that's just thinking outside the box a little bit, but now I'm looking forward to it next year.

Speaker 2: 22:43

We haven't even had this year's yet. You know what I mean. Like it's wait on that person. Don't wait on that person to say, hey, let's have a cookie exchange. Be the person. You probably know other women who need that in their lives. Call them, text them, say let's get together at my house and let's do. You know, let's decorate. Maybe I don't want to decorate this year, but I kind of want to decorate. Will you come help me decorate Whatever that's. Another thing we talked about doing is going around next year to each other's homes and helping each other decorate, because we don't have all the kids there anymore to do that with, so it's different. So, create the things that you're yearning for. Create them, don't wait for them to come to you.

Speaker 1: 23:22

I just want to like, I guess, have this moment of vulnerability vulnerability that's so good, Everything that you said and create back to creating those moments when I was in that place I was describing earlier like I think I thought I don't. I never had trouble meeting friends and making connections ever, and so I was, for the first time in my life, struggling with that. It was. It was uncharted territory, because I'm pretty friendly and for whatever reason, that's just the way things were, and I had a just a split rock moment in that I had built up this mode that I'm just different and nobody is like me and this is, and nobody is like me and this is just the way it is. While I live here and kind of settled for self-pity, and that I didn't take personal responsibility. And here was the thing. It was like I had this big freaking aha moment one day. It was like am I giving to the world what I want? Back Now, there's some other things that were important to note there.

Speaker 1: 24:38

At this point, I hadn't learned how to be vulnerable in a relationship. I had been in a place of such self-protection for so many years and I had learned the art of hiding in plain sight. So if you could ask me any question, I'd be like tell me more about you, Tell me about your trauma. And that showed in how I had conversations, and what happened in those conversations is that people would tell me their life story and no one ever asked about me. And so I finally, when I started to become more healed and more of a whole person, I'm like why doesn't anybody ask me about me? Like I'm important here, Like what is going on? Well, I was the problem. I had lived in such self-protection mode for so long, and then I went to this place of self-pity Poor me, Like I was the victim in this situation and I finally was like wait a minute, give what I want. And this is really interesting I somehow or another decided that someone, what did I want?

Speaker 1: 25:39

I wanted someone to ask me about me and about my children. That's just what I wanted. Those were the things that were important to me. That showed that you cared about me and that you are asking introspection questions. So, instead of waiting to get that, what I started to do is tell me about your kids, Tell me about this, the exact thing that I wanted. And what's really beautiful is what you give in this world is exactly what you're going to receive. So if you're kind of feeling stuck, if you're kind of feeling like you're struggling, or if you're kind of like I don't know where to start, hey, what do you want in this world? And it might be a healing process for you personally along the way that you for you to have. My husband and I call it, we call it two-way relationships. I have, I have, we have two-way relationships. We have intimate relationships, Like there are inner circle, we have acquaintances those are very different than our inner circle right, we can be more transparent in that inner circle than you can with your acquaintances.

Speaker 1: 26:41

You know you don't want to vomit your life story on somebody you just met right away. You know there's oversharing and there's just some ways that you can uplevel your people skills. So much of it literally is skill sets. Well, my gosh, there's a million books on this. There's a whole bunch of things you can do to uplevel your people skills to really attract the right, healthy, two-way relationship in your life. And you know what, to your point that you said just a moment ago, this takes time. This takes time. These things don't happen overnight.

Speaker 2: 27:15

Right, right, well, and another thing, something you just said. I know this is something I struggled with years ago. So what does that look like Practically speaking? What does that look like? And here's some examples. So you and I are at a networking event and we don't know each other. Okay, so nice to meet you. My name is Lisa. Tell me a little bit about yourself, are you from here? And then you respond and you tell me and there's two things that can happen now. Now you can just keep telling me about you and I can keep asking about you. And now what's happened? It's become an interrogation, it's become what you just said a one-way street right.

Speaker 2: 27:49

So this is where those skills come into play, and I think it's easy when somebody does that to think, well, I'm not going to be vulnerable and share, Find a common ground. Common ground is everything. So if Amy says, yeah, and I used to live in Louisiana, this is a great time to say you know what? I'm from Louisiana, when did you live in Louisiana? Because maybe I know some people there. So now I have just given something back, and I think this is actually really key because the more networking events I go to, I see that this is a real missing link between people. They don't know how to give and take. So if you get to a place where you're stuck and you're like I really don't even know where to go, how to start this conversation, ask questions, but but once you get past where do you live and who are you, you know? Ask what has been the most exciting thing that's happened in your life this past month? Wow, that is really. I love that question, because then what you start to see is this unearthing of the heart.

Speaker 1: 28:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 28:50

And you get to know that person a little bit more intimately, a little bit quicker, just by going a tiny bit deeper with that one sentence, that one question. So, just as you know, if you're watching this and you're thinking I don't even know where to start, I don't, like Amy said, there's so many books, there's so much help out there, but start with questions, get through some of the surfacy questions that sometime we need just right up front, but then get to you know something just a little bit deeper that shows the heart of that person and may help you find common ground a little bit faster. A hundred percent.

Speaker 1: 29:21

Yeah, find that, find that one, that you can find something relatable. You have brown eyes, I have brown eyes. I mean it can be a little bit superficial, but learning how to these are people skills is what she's talking about. And that's what I was missing for a while was how to reintegrate myself, because I was so used to self-protection and you might be the same way. Maybe you're thinking, okay, yeah, I'm self-protection, and sometimes here's the thing with this so much of this is you're the problem and the solution right, and so some people have excuses of well, I'm an introvert or well, I'm this. Here's the thing you are the way that God made you and that is beautiful and that is wonderful, but we're still all created for community.

Speaker 1: 30:09

Yes, I was Lisa and I were pulling this together and came up with about five different things that we think so you can take some action steps. The first one is is to invest time and energy into existing relationships, the relationships that you already have. Make sure you're staying connected. Send a text, a check-in I mean God forbid pick up the phone call and make a phone call. What's a phone?

Speaker 2: 30:34

call. What is that? I don't even know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1: 30:36

Yeah, Try to schedule some time together. Number two is build your inner circle. Lisa and I were both a part of a mastermind and I love the way that Brooke Thomas, our mentor, said this that there's the honor matrix and that you are built to have a mentor over you and you are. You are here to mentor others and like having that whole spectrum. But she said something in that year that really struck me and and I'm at work for this is have five people, have five women on speed dial who have your back, and not only that give and receive, You've got their back. Have those five people that when life is falling apart because life falls apart for everybody you are able to. I need your back, I need prayer, I need prayer, but you're that person for them to be that person. Make it reciprocal. So build your inner circle.

Speaker 1: 31:33

This takes time. This takes time. It takes time to find that right person that is a consistent two-way street and not a one-way street. I find that most I shouldn't say most people, that a lot of people are one-way streets. They actually don't make it into that inner circle. Most people aren't going to make it into your inner chamber, that inner circle, and that's okay. You keep looking for that right person because she's out there. That's right, she's out there, and most people shouldn't.

Speaker 2: 32:00

That's right. That inner circle shouldn't be gigantic, no no, no, like five.

Speaker 1: 32:04

We're talking five. Yes, and you want to be like-minded, maybe even For me, when I'm looking for that person. I'm looking for more of a spiritually mature person, someone that is able to, an emotionally resilient person, someone that's going to grow me, challenge me, strengthen me, call me higher in that group. Yeah, that's good. And number three is put yourself in new social situations. You were talking about that last. This year. You have just really like that's been such a big goal of yours is to get out. It has it has.

Speaker 2: 32:39

Yeah, you know Amy mentioned we're both online coaches, yeah, and so, although I have a few local clients, for the most part my clients are all over the US and my life became online and I realized that I had neglected those social interactions, that local networking, that community that's literally in my backyard, and as my mom has gotten a little bit older and her health isn't as great, it's important that I'm not traveling quite as much, or health isn't as great, it's important that I'm not traveling quite as much.

Speaker 2: 33:14

And so this was a great season for me to dig in and really get to know all the people around me, because there's so much community, literally, I mean, shreveport's a big place, and so my intention for this year was to network, and I started the year saying I'm going to go to all these different networking events and like out of town, right, that that was my vision, and as the year started rolling on, my mom's health started going downhill. I'm like you know what? There's only one way to actually meet this intention and that's to bloom where I'm planted, and it's been magical, it's been so much fun.

Speaker 1: 33:43

Yeah, I think that that's wonderful, lisa, and I also think that that's really an important part. We're meant for contribution in our communities. It is a very important part that, in a role that we need to play, we need to care about our community. We need to care about how can we give back, how can we help, how can we support, how can we serve. There's so many local. You were talking about the. What club was that you?

Speaker 2: 34:09

were talking about the Rotary.

Speaker 1: 34:10

Club, the Rotary Club, I love Make-A-Wish Mississippi, and there's all sorts of different places that I love to plug into and just found, and one of the things that I love, too, about plugging into our communities is that you find like-minded people, people that care about, about the community. People that care about a cause are typically amazing people, right, and so finding those people and planting is amazing.

Speaker 1: 34:40

Number four is to make room and space to cultivate this, and let me unpack that just a little bit so lisa, you were talking last night that as we were catching up, you said that you're just at a place to where you realized, going to the gym, that you would go in. You're busy so you would go in and go out. You had the universal sign of I've got both of my airpods and I'm I'm not available to speak, right and um, you made a shift to for you it's to not have any. That's where you are right now not to have any airpods and be super available and open when you're at the gym, just to connect.

Speaker 2: 35:25

Yeah, it has so much fun. I have so many friends now at the gym. So, yeah, just real briefly. I have been working out at the same gym for three years and knew two people's names and part of it there was just a lot that I had been going through, struggling through for many years and I closing, closing down, closing down.

Speaker 2: 35:49

Um, and as friendly as I am and as much as I do love people, I would go in the gym to get my workout done and to leave. And that was that. And I actually had somebody tell me that I was a little bit intimidating. And he didn't say it in a way that was um, to hurt me, but it was the best thing that could have been said to me because it crushed me. I'm like intimidating me. I'm five foot tall. How am I intimidating anybody? But his point.

Speaker 2: 36:16

But he elaborated. He said you're just very focused, you're in, you get your workout in, you log your stuff on your phone and then you're out. And I was like, oh my gosh, you know what? I'm missing the boat, because if we're created for community, there's people here who need me. And so what I started doing earphones came out. That was just my intention Earphones out. When I'm done with my set, I log my set and my reps, I put my phone down and during my rest time I walk around with my eyes up looking for people to connect with. And that one intention has helped me connect with so many people at the gym I'm able to pray for them. I know what they're going through. We know each other by name. It's just the sweetest thing, and if you're in a space and you're like that's the only time I have to myself, it's fine. No, no judgment, but for me it was a conviction.

Speaker 2: 37:10

I knew God was calling me to get out of me. Yeah, and once I did and literally brought my eyes up. It's as if I just keep saying the word magic but it's. But it's God, it is the Lord, it's the Holy Spirit drawing people who needed somebody to see them. So it wasn't about me, it was about them, and but I've gotten so much out of it as well, so it's a precious place to be.

Speaker 1: 37:33

Absolutely. I love that. Thank you for sharing that. So make room and space Some other ways.

Speaker 1: 37:38

For me, practically that that has been is wherever I'm at, it's just there's a place of having your not being on your phone and not scrolling. We're addicted to our phones and one small second of I'm standing in line at the grocery store and my phone's up and I'm scrolling. What if we just had space and we're open and our posture's open and we're looking up and we're making conversation with somebody, blessing somebody with our words. For me, I work at the coffee shop a lot and we're making conversation with somebody blessing somebody with our words that we're. For me, I work at the coffee shop a lot, so I'm at Starbucks a lot. We have the same people in there and I just love it and just saying hello and and asking how they're doing. It's just, it makes a difference what you're saying to the cashier, to strangers that you're meeting. You're making a difference and so being open and I have met friends like really Joy Bradford is speaking at the event oh, hey, whoa.

Speaker 2: 38:40

Event, event. What are you talking about, amy? Is there an event coming up?

Speaker 1: 38:44

Yeah, yeah, we're going to come back to these points. But, joy, I was working at Starbucks, I had my computer up and I noticed this beautiful woman with these gorgeous red lips. I mean it's like, oh my gosh, girl, your lips are gorgeous. We became fast friends and met, like connected, on social media, but then met back at Starbucks just for let's get to know each other a little bit more here and then so we're friends, but social media friends, but a little bit more than that, because we've had this and we're sisters in Christ. So that always takes you to another level.

Speaker 1: 39:22

Anyway, I threw out something on social media about this event that we're about to talk about, that we're having, and she messaged me, like texted me off, and she was like the Lord is telling me to help you with this. It's just, you never know what. That one comment Girl, I love your lipstick. And back to Lisa's point of finding some sort of a commonality. It can be something that small. What do you like about somebody? Do you like their hair? Do you like their hair? Do you like their eyes? Do you like their earrings? Do you like their lipstick?

Speaker 2: 39:56

You never know where that conversation can take us. Yeah, that's right. I was just going to say real quick, I mean, that was just such a beautiful example of how you can connect with somebody who doesn't love a compliment and women need compliments. We need, we need to feel seen. Every, every individual needs to feel seen. So just knowing that you could say something so simple to somebody but I'm sure she was like thank you, Like it just probably made her feel really good. I mean, what an easy, simple connection point. I love that.

Speaker 1: 40:20

Yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. So we're going to tell you about this event we have coming up. Lisa's going to be speaking about it, but I want to get to this last point. The fifth point here is be intentional about expanding your circle. Add people to it. It is something that is important as far as building your network, your social network, from church small groups. We talked about network circles. Lisa and I have always been involved in different groups online. I am involved in many groups online. I run my Walkworthy community. I run a large Facebook group, so we both have responsibilities with running groups online, but I love my online groups and my online connections and I'm actively always building social network here and also in Florida. This is very, very important to connect and to connect offline and to be very intentional about staying in touch.

Speaker 2: 41:22

Yes, absolutely yeah, I mean, that's the thing. Everything we're saying here isn't about disconnect from the online presence, because we do both run coaching groups.

Speaker 1: 41:33

And we love that and.

Speaker 2: 41:34

I love that online community and they wouldn't be connected without the online space. But expand, expand and I think 2020 really did us in with that. You know, everything was online. Expand and find those local connections because, whether it's a networking group, whether it's volunteering, there's so many opportunities, so many things that are needed out there. But then you start finding those friendships that can say, hey, can we go have some coffee, let's just go have some coffee together. I mean just that right there can open up something beautiful that never would have existed otherwise.

Speaker 1: 42:07

That's right, that's right, and just kind of like to piggyback on. I just feel like this needs to be said. If you are feeling lonely and isolated, take any of these steps and move forward. I would love to hear from you that you took an action from this. Maybe you listen. For you to grow in this, you're going to have to get out of your comfort zone. It might feel horribly scary for you to walk up to somebody and say I like your lipstick, that's okay. Don't say that. Say what works for you, but maybe be bold and courageous and go strike up a conversation with somebody, maybe reconnect with somebody that you don't know very well, but you would like to get to know them better. They seem to be in alignment with you and maybe you want to. I want to share this too is that you might reach out and you might do the things and you might not hear back from people. That's when I shut down. Let me just actually say this, because I think that this is kind of important.

Speaker 1: 43:07

I started reaching out to people because I was starting to feel lonely and I was shocked they wouldn't get back with me. People that more I had more than just an acquaintance with them. They were friends and I was reaching out for help and they were not getting back and listen. People are busy Like no shame, no shade on all that. But I turned inward at that point and started feeling sorry for myself and self-pity kicked in. But it didn't solve my problem of feeling lonely and isolated. Then I felt more lonely and isolated and had some rejection, that root of rejection that just caused me to. I shut down with it instead of moving forward.

Speaker 1: 43:52

So you got your own junk in the trunk. We all do. We all have our own. You know our triggers that we're moving forward, but move forward in a healthy way, like we talked about at the top of the show, for you to be healthier. You're created for interconnectivity. You're created for community. You're created for relationships. Not only that, your immunity is going to be stronger. Your hormones are going to be balanced out a little bit better. All sorts of benefits, health benefits for you to do this.

Speaker 1: 44:20

But this is the way that God made you. That's right. And Lisa and I we've been so blessed to have each other for 30 plus years. I mean she was in the delivery room with me when I had my son. We have been there through the thick and the thin, through the hard, through the good, through the mountaintops, through the valleys, and I mean I'll never forget I was homeless. There was a time in my life I was homeless and I literally lived with her and her family. So we go way back with that, but we have such a heart and a passion to share God's word and to to help give you the tools and the resources that you need to come to thrive in your life, because these this season can be lonely, but your second half is meant to be your best half.

Speaker 2: 45:03

Amen, come on now. Next year's are the best years, that's right.

Speaker 1: 45:06

That's right. So we are hosting a Worthy Woman Summit right here in Ridgeland, mississippi, at the end of March and we both personally want to extend an invitation to you. Lisa is going to be speaking at it. I will be speaking at it. I'll be hosting it as well. Daniel, over here, he's like why do y'all keep pulling me in? Daniel's going to be running the audio and sound. We have worship leader Jane Foster's going to be there. We've got several other Joy Bradford, carrie Watts, we've got a couple of other speakers I'm waiting to solidify Amazing speakers, amazing. So you will get that faith-driven personal and professional development. Oh, deborah Leiter, lisa's going to be talking about how to age in reverse and how to. What's a couple of things you're going to be talking about, lisa.

Speaker 2: 46:00

Yeah, I mean just age reversal protocols for the 40 plus women. And if you're 30, trust me, come it's going to be phenomenal, because you will one day be 40 plus. You will need this and the sooner you start the better. But we can't change our chronological age, that's the calendar years, right, can't do anything about that. We can absolutely affect our biological age through very intentional lifestyle shifts, and so we're going to be talking about that. We're going to have a lot of fun. Speaking of fun, we want you to know this isn't just going to be heavy and learning, and this is going to be fun.

Speaker 1: 46:32

So much fun, so much fun.

Speaker 2: 46:37

There's stuff you don't even know about yet I forgot to tell you about it that is like crazy fun.

Speaker 1: 46:40

We're going to have a great time. I know we're also going to be talking about we believe that confidence comes from the inside period, the end but we're going to be talking about fashion and Jane Foster's actually doing live makeovers. So you're going to walk away with how to even like up-level your people, skills and just your presence, because it's the first thing people see. Yeah, yeah, and we want to feel confident from the inside out and from the outside in. We really do so. This is going to be so much fun and there are early bird tickets available now that the link is going to be in the show notes or the captions, wherever you're catching this information from, and listen, you don't want to miss this. You do not want to miss this. You've got to go grab that ticket.

Speaker 2: 47:20

Well, and, and what have we been talking about this whole time? Networking, finding connections, finding community and finding lifelong friendships. And you don't know, this may be that one thing that you go to, that you walk away with your new best friend.

Speaker 1: 47:35

That's right.

Speaker 2: 47:35

That you walk away. I mean, that's our hope. Our hope is not that you just come and meet the person next to you. We hope you come and form friendships and bonds, and there will be that, it will be the atmosphere to do that.

Speaker 1: 47:47

Absolutely. It's going to be incredible, lisa, so where can people?

Speaker 2: 47:52

connect with you. Yeah, probably the best place is. You know, if we're on Facebook right now, you can certainly connect with me here on Instagram at Lisa Lou Fitness, and then my website is lisaloufitnesscom.

Speaker 1: 48:04

Amazing, and I'll of course put all of that in the show notes. And also I forgot to say this Lisa's kind of famous I am.

Speaker 2: 48:14

Yeah, you didn't know. No, what are you talking about?

Speaker 1: 48:19

She has all the followers and all the things. Yeah, anyway, anyway. So, oh, oh, let's share this one story it always cracks me up speaking of, because your mother always says things like that and it embarrasses you so bad. So her mother, her mother, what does she call me my mother? Calls her the ugly sister clearly right, I mean come on.

Speaker 2: 48:51

But my mom, you know she's a Yankee and she's just funny, she's always been funny. She's, hilarious, she's always been my friend's favorite. They hang out with me, to hang out with her, absolutely. But, yeah, amy's the ugly sister between the two of us, so I'm the ugly sister, and there's my sister.

Speaker 1: 49:02

I'm the ugly one Anyway, all right, alright, lisa, thank you for being here today, I love you so much. This was so much fun. Thanks bye.